America's 10 Biggest Wastes of Space

From libraries to cemeteries, these are the most egregious space squanderers outside the veggie drawer in Roger Ailes' refrigerator.

10. Libraries

Back when they invented books in the early '90s or whatever, Al Gore invented places to put them all that revolutionized the way we find and share information. They were like the Internet, only people in them were always telling you to shut up. But now we actually have an Internet, and no one ever shuts up, ever.

Suggested reuse:

Google server rooms

9. Museums

Since it turns out dinosaurs never existed, we're not sure there was ever a need for these glorified souvenir boxes, unless you're trying to permanently misplace one of your children on a class trip. Every planet, sculpture, or petrified caveman dropping you'd ever want to see now occupies a key chain drive worth of space on

Suggested reuse:

Book crematoriums

8. Voting Booths

Where else in our society do you routinely go to so much trouble just to be disappointed as in our nation's most overrated job interview? If all voting was this lame, Jordin Sparks wouldn't be playing the Ronkonkoma Shopping Center's food court this Friday at 3 P.M.. (Tell your friends!)

Suggested reuse:

Gas chambers for the elderly (since they're the only ones who vote)

7. Men's/Women's Colleges

Remember all the things you loved about college? The pants... The dudes... The pants full of dudes... How the hell can you educate students about the world if you ignore half its population? Monogender colleges make as much sense as left-boob-only strip clubs.

Suggested reuse:

Fat farms

6. Christmas Tree Farms

Each year, Americans buy 30 million trees grown on half a million acres of land over six to 10 years to display them in their living rooms for two frigging weeks. You really want to curb global warming? Let Tom Cruise finish converting the world to Scientology.

Suggested reuse:


5. Directional States

If you didn't get Virginia right the first time, what makes you think creating a West version is going to make up for it? Same goes for the Dakotas. For that matter, why in hell did we need a new Mexico?

Suggested reuse:

Regift to England

4. Outlet Malls

Usually you happen upon one of these bargain-shopper concentration camps on your way to something else, only to rediscover why they created these stupid things: Nobody wanted any of this crap to begin with. Oh, but hey, those size 24 chrome Nike shot put cleats look awesome on you!

Suggested reuse:

Overstock batting cages

VIP Rooms

If cash is for poor people, then VIP rooms are for the socially bankrupt. These holding pens for bottle service billionaires with delusions of grandeur more often serve to keep them away from us rather than the opposite. Real VIPs know better than to leave the stupid house.

Suggested reuse:

Champagne rooms

2. Cemeteries

Sociologists predict that at some point in 2019 there will be more dead people on earth than there are living. Now, we just made that up, but it should be alarming enough for at least some West Texans to preemptively set themselves on fire. At the rate we're burying people, there won't be room left for more golf courses.

Suggested reuse:

Dog parks

1. Golf Courses

Golf's a great way to get away from the annoying people of your daily life to compete idly with the annoying people of other people's daily lives. But its playing fields are more ubiquitous than herpes. Myrtle Beach alone has more than 100 of them, or roughly one for every textbook in town. Please, for the love of God, someone take up Zumba.

Suggested reuse:

Golfer cemeteries