Lamest Facebook Status Updates
Election Day Edition

If you're like me, you've deleted your entire Facebook friends list by now for presidential election infractions including, but not limited to:

    * Posting links exposing Barack Obama's Latverian citizenship

    * Sending gift buttons brandishing words like HOPE, CHANGE, and RAINBOWS

    * Leaving wall posts reminding you that John McCain twisted the head off a 7-year-old trick-or-treater and squoze the child's contents into his mouth like cake icing

But, by far, the most pervasive violation has come in the form of status updates that remind you how many assholes you can count as friends. Here are election day's biggest so far…

Unsolicited Opinion Guy
DOES NOT support Obama/Biden....AND he voted already.

White Guilt McGillicuddy
just fulfilled a childhood dream: He voted for a black Presidential candidate while listening to Public Enemy.

Apparent Former OJ Juror
is undecided.

Cut-n-Paste Campaigner
has donated her status to remind everyone to vote for John McCain today. Donate your status: [URL REDACTED BECAUSE WHO GIVES A SHIT]

My First Sony Voting Booth
is heading to the polls to vote for OBAMA. DON'T FORGET ALL THE IMPORTANT LOCAL ELECTIONS, TOO!!!

Sally Ann Low Goals
voted AND hit the gym. Very productive day so far.

Monsieur Good Riddance
is considering moving to Canada if McCain wins...

Booth Buster 2008
is seriously upset about the lack of "I voted today" stickers. how can I claim my starbucks, ben and jerry's, chick-fil-a, and donut?

Mindless Change Zombie
is pulling for an America of change! Go get 'em.

Polishing the Brass on the Titanic
is hoping America wakes up today and realizes the only choice is John McCain!

Worst Human Being Currently Breathing
is more excited for Gossip Girl than the election. Put faith in yourself, not a man! xoxo- gossip girl.

Phony Sympathizer Ignorant of the Status Update Format
My heart goes out to Obama over the loss of his grandmother.

Responsible Unicorn
is thinking about you and hope.

Irony-Blind Malcontent
thinks the "i donated my status to remind you to vote" everyone has is a wee bit obnoxious. Glad you all care, but I'm pretty sure I won't forget to vote...

Election Day Alarmist
don't wear Obama buttons/shirts etc to the polls!! They might not let you vote...

Person You Don't Want Voting Ever
feels like it's christmas eve... and she's 6... and there's a tiny chance someone may kill santa

Ms. White Flight 2010
is so happy with the beautiful diversity of people voting in her neighborhood. I love living in midtown.

Pun Tard
votebama...our time is now.

Inarguable Kanye West Twitter update:
This is the first day of the rest of our lives.