7 Animals More Desperate for Sex Than Men

Men will do, say, or put up with just about anything to get laid. And we've still got nothing on these beasts.

By Jordan Burchette
Maxim.com

American Alligator

Most of us are barely willing to put in four minutes of foreplay. Meanwhile, the American alligator has to crank-start his mate for closer to four days before sealing the deal. But, hey, when you get laid once a year, what's 96 hours of rubbing, splashing, and snout-punching?

Giraffes

It's not always easy to gauge a woman's interest in sex, and the enterprising giraffe knows this better than anyone. Rather than customarily pestering his partner for pity sex, the male giraffe tastes her urine to see if she's in heat. Then he pesters her for a pity hoof job.

Carpenter Ants

Just once a lifetime, these clogged-up cooties fly high in the air to mate with their queen, subsequently lose their wings, then plummet to their immediate deaths. It's more commitment than having to make up an excuse for bolting after sex, but you can't argue with the results.

Banana Slug

These slovenly slugs take the phrase "doing the nasty" orally. After eating the slime off their partner's bodies, they entangle themselves for hours during mating. Once done, the penis often has to be broken off in order to withdraw. Eh, as skanky as female banana slugs are, that's bound to happen one way or another.

Hippopotamus

In order to attract other hippos, these giant slobs defecate and urinate at the same time, then whip it around with their tails like it's flavored massage oil. Wading through this German-porn mixtape is all part of the chub chaser's repertoire in Africa, and in Kansas.

Praying Mantis

The good news for the male praying mantis is that sex is no strings attached. The bad news is that, once she gets off, it's also no heads attached. During postcoital cuddling, the male is often eaten alive by his mate if he can't escape. Can't get any worse? Check out this next one...

Sea Horse

More desperate for tail than a college freshman, the male sea horse not only has sex with just one partner his whole life, but he carries the baby as well. Chances are he washes the dishes, loads the laundry, and does all the plankton shopping, too. Ever seen a female sea horse? Not worth it.