JoBu's Sixth Annual Defense of the BCS

I'm no more tired of answering for college football's postseason than college basketball fans are tired of trying to change it.
By Jordan Burchette
Maxim.com

See also:


First-Annual Defense of the BCS
Third-Annual Defense of the BCS
Fifth-Annual Defense of the BCS
Sixth-Annual Defense of the BCS

BULBOUS LETTER OF THE WEEK!

The actual game of college football itself may be superior, but it will always be unsatisfying because of their total bullshit postseason. Until they get a legitimate tournament, college football will NEVER be as popular or as compelling as the pros. Every single college football game is totally meaningless, and it's the only sport where a team can go through the entire season and postseason undefeated, and still not be declared a champion. The idiots that run college football don't care as long as their pockets are being lined. What a joke.


–Matt

Your very tired outsider's perspective on college football's postseason is not only as welcome as criticism of America by the French, but it's uninformed.

WHERE WAS YOUR SMARTY-PANTS BLOG COMMENT IN 1966?
First, some history: For the majority of the current system's first 52 years, college football's postseason was lorded over by individual bowl organizers who locked in top teams as early as conceivably possible through backroom deals to rival the most crooked Halliburton contract.

Later, unalterable conference affiliations with the bowls tied teams to specific games, virtually eliminating any possibility of a one-versus-two matchup to end the season. The Bowl Championship Series was introduced in 1998 to ensure that the matchup you previously saw just 11 times in college football history became annual.

Christ, college football was less controversial when it didn't try to crown a consensus champ. Now that there's a system in place to attempt a championship game, jerkoffs like Matt have become Susan B. Anthonys of postseason injustice.


   If Lady Justice is blind, then I'm
   grabbing boob.
ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY "COLLEGE DEGREE?"
Your assertion that "every single college football game is totally meaningless" is easily the most ignorant statement ever made in this column that didn't come from me. College football is tenfold more compelling than the pros, evidenced by the fact that nobody gives a 10-pound shit about the NFL's regular season—not the way they do about college football.

Sure, you might put in an occasional Sunday to quell suspicions among your friends that you're gay (confirmed, by the way. Nothing wrong with that), but I'm willing to bet that 75 percent of the league's "fans" watch the majority of their NFL football on SportsCenter.

Meanwhile, college football's every week is a distinct chapter in a season-long narrative that takes more far-fetched twists and turns than an M. Night Shyamalan bowel movement. That's not to say that college football is the same ratings draw as the NFL, but Fight Club was outsold 7-to-1 by Meet the Fockers at the box office and I don't think you'll find many who'll argue it was less compelling. (Besides your new friends.)

Regardless of its occasional controversial climax, the lose-and-go-home ethic that you college basketball fans in disguise so love about the NFL's bite-size postseason starts at Day One in the college game. College football rewards teams for the totality of their seasons rather than a runny, brown hot streak to end a season. Hell, the Baltimore Ravens were no more satisfying a champion than LSU.


WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAY?
College football's loudest critics come from outside the family. Case in point: this asshole. Anyone who wails so shrilly about the evils of college football's postseason was never a fan of college football to begin with.

Claiming to love the game then deriding it for lacking a system it's never had in its 137 years is like saying you love America, then demanding it go communist. Everything about college football is an effort to make its regular season the most meaningful in all of sport, Sport.

Making the postseason more inclusive, as you Marxist ideologues insist, only compromises the regular season you malcontents can't be bothered to watch.


PAY OF BIGS?
Finally, your contention that money is at the heart of this issue is the second most ignorant statement ever made in this space. You don't think there would be significantly more money in a format that forces the nation's top eight or 16 teams to play three times as many postseason games? I'll spare you the trouble, junior—the research has already been done, and a playoff would be light-millions more profitable than the current system. But I don't imagine you'll award that point to organizers of the BCS.

See also:


First-Annual Defense of the BCS
Third-Annual Defense of the BCS
Fifth-Annual Defense of the BCS
Seventh-Annual Defense of the BCS